Food for thought

Spending hours at work doing nothing ( because there is actually nothing to do ) invariably leads to philosophical questions like 'How can I find work that is truly satisfying?', 'How will I do this for the rest of my life?'. Reading articles and blogs leads to a desire to do something meaningful to serve people who could use some help. Listening to music gets me dreaming about leaving everything and just playing music. But then what follows is a realization that these wont pay my bills, and I will have to suck it up for much longer. When some good work comes along, these thoughts get thrown out the window, and I am more or less satisfied.

On yet another boring workday, I stumbled upon a brilliant article called 'Solitude and Leadership'. It pointed out how the leadership of most organisations just keeps the routine going. People at the top are there not because they are particularly competent, innovative, but just made it there to the top by means of a process. I am not trying to throw light at incompetent management ( I have worked with some useless ones, but also some brilliant people). The point is that most of us end up doing tasks that have very little significance on the overall scheme of the organisation, but just keeps the routine going. Every stage of the organisational hierarchy sucks up to the stage above. But companies make profit, so some people must be doing stuff that count or maybe the sum of our singular contributions works in favour of the company.

The article points out how distractions like Facebook, TV, Youtube, even newspapers prevent us from really concentrating and bombards us with a stream of other peoples thoughts, therefore not allowing your own thoughts to flourish. Solitude is needed to find yourself, for introspection to answer difficult questions about your life. Solitude is needed for concentration of focussed work. Your first thought is always someone else's and sticking to the question, letting all parts of your mind come into play breeds an original idea, and for a leader, a much-needed change in policy or strategy.

What I love about the article, is that it includes deep friendship as a part of solitude. Intimate conversation with people you trust, opening up to them and asking questions or expressing feelings, becomes a part of introspection, and enhances your solitude.

The article provides ample food for thought, which I may not have justified here. This rather preachy and philosophical post is to remind me to make better use of the abundance of solitude I seem to find and enjoy, to work on concentration and to celebrate the amazing friends I have.

Nam

Nam is down with Hepatitis, and in the hospital. And I couldnt feel sadder and more helpless. It is such a shame that someone you care the most for is so far away that you cannot be there for her when she needs it the most. I hope she gets healthy real quick, and maybe the flowers I sent will make her feel better. She has people to take care of her, so I shouldnt worry. But I am my dad's son, and worrying for others comes naturally to me. Now I have to wait for her sms, to know how she is. This so sucks.

I dont know how I got to this point, where someone else's life becomes top priority. When you dream of fulfiling someone else's dreams. When you want to know everything that happens in someone else's day. This cannot be undone, and with my 'attachment problem' , I dont know if I should have controlled these feelings much earlier. Maybe it happened as a result of trying to detach myself from V. And Boom, we have a new problem. Being the stuck-up ass that I am, I cannot commit myself fully to the present life here.

Would it have been much different, if I hadnt got close to her? Would I have been happier? Would I have found a best friend here? These questions will remain unanswered I feel. But its been one year in Munich, and one year since I actually became her friend. And its been an amazing story of bonding, fun and fondness. I think it will be very difficult to maintain this state of our relationship, but whatever happens tomorrow, I will look back at the past year and think of her and smile. She was there when I needed to talk and laugh, and I found someone to care for, to talk to in my head when I didnt want to say a word. All the good times on Skype, in India and hopefully there will be more. I didnt feel the need to look for that special person here. Why would anybody want to, when someone says that you are her bestest friend. I wish I could remain her bestest friend. The distance is a pity, but maybe we wouldnt have been what we are had we been in a position where we would meet everyday. Maybe the charm wouldnt have lasted. Maybe her Gemini fickleness would have taken over by now.

Beats me why I am writing all this, as I had decided that I dont want this to be let out of my head. But I think I could read this , when one day I need to be reminded of how happy I felt having her in my life, or how sad I was when I wanted to be with her, but just could not do anything about it. Because one day when new people become my life, I dont want to forget who brightened my day sometime back and why I had a reason to smile.

Get well soon Nam.