Auf Wiedersehen Deutschland

This post has been in the backburner form some time. I was to write this at the end of my stint in Germany, having ended a chapter of my life. My time was very eventful albeit a little shortlived. I cant think of any other phase when there were so many highlights in such a short period. The ones listed below are in no particular order of importance.

• I got my Master's degree. More importantly I got the foreign education experience I wanted. Whether I made use of the learning opportunities is another thing. My coursework did not warrant any deep learning or many assignments. The exams were kinda tough but the emphasis on application and understanding rather than mugging meant that studying for exams wasn't strenuous. And in the end, the grades were very good. If not for the chilled out course, I would not have had time to work for my living (and travelling) expenses and I would not have had any more points on this list.
• Travelling around Europe was probably the biggest reason I went to Germany. And doing that involved a lot of planning, saving, making use of every holiday I got and sometimes going alone if I had to. I visited Austria, Czech Republic, Italy, France (Paris), Spain, Switzerland, Russia (Moscow), Belgium, Netherlands and of course many parts of Germany. I did leave out Greece and Scandinavia on purpose. There should be a reason to come back, right? Anyway, my travels made my time in Europe the vacation that it was. And of course, it gave me so much to blog about.
• I learnt how to swim. Crossing over to the deep side (in the Olympic pool :) ) took some time but now I am very comfortable in water, which had been a target for a very long time.
• I put on weight. Yes, you read it right. What I thought was impossible is apparently possible. All it needed was a daily diet of 2 litres milk, half a kilo of chicken, and eggs, fish, rice, tuna and mayo sandwiches, peanuts..that is all. And hard and heavy working out. 10 kilos in 5 months is no lean feat, me thinks. And for me, this is probably the most important gain, because I have always been touchy about my body, and enough blood has boiled when unfit people have talked trash about it. But there is still work to be done, and now gymming has become part of my daily routine.
• I learnt to ski. In the Alps. Enough said.
• I can speak German. Just the basic stuff. I really enjoyed interacting with people in German to get around, or in the store etc.
• I got much better in playing the guitar, tennis and cooking. 
• Then there is the whole German experience. Which means four seasons and the cold bitter winters, the discipline and efficiency, the politeness and the hot chicks. Germany is a model state, and there is a lot Indians can learn from Germans. I dont think German punctuality has really rubbed on me. I still am always exactly on time or 5 minutes late tops, but never early. But I hold their politeness in high regard and I try to emulate them as far as I can. I also made a few good friends and many friends from other countries.

I did all these exciting things, but still couldn't find enough reason to stay. I see these two years as a pure vacation, maybe a sabbatical. I studied, traveled, played, lived my dreams and then came home. So the fact that the Masters degree has not given me any real boost to my career does not bother me.  I learnt a lot of things, about myself, about how people live and how things work in a different world. I realized what I took for granted, and I have understood my priorities and discovered the things that mean the most to me. I am really glad I went and I hope I get a chance to visit again.

Somewhere I belong

My Masters is drawing to a close and I have been breaking my head over the decision to stay in Germany or go back home. This is not a recent thing, as the question has been bugging me for a long time now. I am sure where I want to be, and a call home just about clears all confusion. But I also think about the occasional extraordinary things I get to do here. Somehow I get into (futile) conversation with people over the matter. I am not someone who takes advice seriously, but I guess it is about listening to others' point of view, which are mostly along these lines:

'Work a few years and then go back'
'Follow your heart'
'Don't follow your heart'
'You are an idiot'
'Life is comfortable here. No late trains. No traffic. You don't need a car.'
'You are abroad with better standard of living. What is not to like?'
'Better work culture here, no working weekends'

I have also been reading about NRI experiences in an effort to find like-minded people. It was heartening to know that it is common to feel the lack of 'sense of belonging' and to miss things back home. The best piece I found on the subject is here, and I don't think I can sum it up better than what she has written.

It is funny how you arrive with stars in your eyes, you are blown away by the beauty of the new place and the well mannered disciplined life, only to then feel that something is missing. Call it culture shock, call it nostalgia, but it is something that has to be fixed. You have to let go of all that is familiar, to adapt to a way of life that is a world of a difference from what you are comfortable with. I have failed at that, blame it on being alone, or on a perfect life before I came here. But I do not understand how Indians here are happy living this dichotomous life, where you spend your life in a foreign country, cooking Indian food everyday (but longing for all the food that you don't get/can't cook), constantly following everything happening in India (from the internet of course), missing family and friends - only to visit them once a year in a hurried affair, and resorting to low quality web streaming in the name of TV and cinema. Basically, living a desi life in phoren.

Why all this sacrifice - for 'higher standard of living' and some extra money, which does not increase your purchasing power a great deal anyway. For me, having clean roads and good public transportation does not mean a higher standard of living. I should be able to visit people I love when I wish, eat anything I want, feel like I belong to a place, where I can make a difference to at least my loved ones if not others, where I feel the warmth. Small things matter, like being able to afford eating out and not missing special occasions and festivals. And I beg to differ, but I so need a car. And anybody complaining of work culture and hectic schedules has obviously not worked in a semiconductor company.

I could stay back a few years, as per my original plan, but I have pushed myself so deep into negativity that staying here longer would be a real grind. I would wake up every morning thinking 'What if..' and 'I wish…'. There is also a fear that things might change and like most people, that plan to return will never materialize. And surely, I cannot and probably, should not catch a flight everytime a close friend is getting married or something. Over the past two years I have done and seen a lot of things I have always dreamt of. Having done that, I want to regain my sense of wonder, my ambition and realize another set of dreams. I know where I will be happy and the pursuit of happiness is most important. Everything else can take a back seat.

I wish.....

Is the statement 'Follow your heart' a cliche. I think it is when it involves a career choice. And most of the time, it means 'Quit that mundane thing that you are doing now, and pursue your dreams'. Its no small task finding something that will give you unbounded motivation, that one thing that you would want to concentrate all your energy and time now. And the risk involved may not be something you are ready to take.

Steve Jobs' speech is stuck in my head. He found that one thing that he always wanted to do. I dont know where to look for my 'Apple'. I know for sure the things that I am most passionate about. I have this picture of my world in which I will be very happy. In this world, I have a good job, in which I am working on my crazy idea, and which pays for my travels around the world. I chill out by swimming or playing tennis and football in the club attached to my high rise apartment complex. My passion is playing music with my band. And of course my loving caring missus will be my partner in travel, games and long drives, and also lead singer of the band. Everyone in the family is nearby and well-settled. Old friends are around for the laughs. And I have time devoted to working for the underprivileged.

This is a vision, a plan. I dont think its an unrealistic dream or fantasy ( maybe the lead singer bit is pushing it). Looks like a good life. For now, I should work on my guitar, and gather enough knowledge so that the crazy idea can hit me. And in hindsight many good choices I have made in the past with respect to work, relationships, things I have bought, all have had some element of 'Follow your heart'. Maybe it is not a cliche after all.

Like Steve Jobs said, 'you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.' Heres to the dots connecting, like it always has. Amen.

The good life

Watched a nice video called 'Meaning of life'. I dont know why it was called that, but it had a list of guidelines on how to live.

Follow your heart.
Find a new perspective
Have a sense of wonder
Find people you love
Set goals
Help others
Dance
Pamper yourself
Face your fears
Exercise
Limit television
Get in touch with nature
Lighten up
Get a good nights sleep
Read books
Dont compare yourself with others
Be open to new ideas
Dont focus on negative thoughts
Focus on creating what u desire
Make time just to have fun
Keep the romance in your life
Make a gratitude list
Want what you have
Be true to yourself

I have a few more to add to this

Be nice.
Have a hobby.
Dont give a chance for regret.
Give.

Looks like I am not doing too bad if this is all that I need to follow. Some things I need to work on :
Pamper yourself
Read books
Dont focus on negative thoughts
Make a gratitude list