My Masters is drawing to a close and I have been breaking my head over the decision to stay in Germany or go back home. This is not a recent thing, as the question has been bugging me for a long time now. I am sure where I want to be, and a call home just about clears all confusion. But I also think about the occasional extraordinary things I get to do here. Somehow I get into (futile) conversation with people over the matter. I am not someone who takes advice seriously, but I guess it is about listening to others' point of view, which are mostly along these lines:
'Work a few years and then go back'
'Follow your heart'
'Don't follow your heart'
'You are an idiot'
'Life is comfortable here. No late trains. No traffic. You don't need a car.'
'You are abroad with better standard of living. What is not to like?'
'Better work culture here, no working weekends'
I have also been reading about NRI experiences in an effort to find like-minded people. It was heartening to know that it is common to feel the lack of 'sense of belonging' and to miss things back home. The best piece I found on the subject is here, and I don't think I can sum it up better than what she has written.
It is funny how you arrive with stars in your eyes, you are blown away by the beauty of the new place and the well mannered disciplined life, only to then feel that something is missing. Call it culture shock, call it nostalgia, but it is something that has to be fixed. You have to let go of all that is familiar, to adapt to a way of life that is a world of a difference from what you are comfortable with. I have failed at that, blame it on being alone, or on a perfect life before I came here. But I do not understand how Indians here are happy living this dichotomous life, where you spend your life in a foreign country, cooking Indian food everyday (but longing for all the food that you don't get/can't cook), constantly following everything happening in India (from the internet of course), missing family and friends - only to visit them once a year in a hurried affair, and resorting to low quality web streaming in the name of TV and cinema. Basically, living a desi life in phoren.
Why all this sacrifice - for 'higher standard of living' and some extra money, which does not increase your purchasing power a great deal anyway. For me, having clean roads and good public transportation does not mean a higher standard of living. I should be able to visit people I love when I wish, eat anything I want, feel like I belong to a place, where I can make a difference to at least my loved ones if not others, where I feel the warmth. Small things matter, like being able to afford eating out and not missing special occasions and festivals. And I beg to differ, but I so need a car. And anybody complaining of work culture and hectic schedules has obviously not worked in a semiconductor company.
I could stay back a few years, as per my original plan, but I have pushed myself so deep into negativity that staying here longer would be a real grind. I would wake up every morning thinking 'What if..' and 'I wish…'. There is also a fear that things might change and like most people, that plan to return will never materialize. And surely, I cannot and probably, should not catch a flight everytime a close friend is getting married or something. Over the past two years I have done and seen a lot of things I have always dreamt of. Having done that, I want to regain my sense of wonder, my ambition and realize another set of dreams. I know where I will be happy and the pursuit of happiness is most important. Everything else can take a back seat.
'Work a few years and then go back'
'Follow your heart'
'Don't follow your heart'
'You are an idiot'
'Life is comfortable here. No late trains. No traffic. You don't need a car.'
'You are abroad with better standard of living. What is not to like?'
'Better work culture here, no working weekends'
I have also been reading about NRI experiences in an effort to find like-minded people. It was heartening to know that it is common to feel the lack of 'sense of belonging' and to miss things back home. The best piece I found on the subject is here, and I don't think I can sum it up better than what she has written.
It is funny how you arrive with stars in your eyes, you are blown away by the beauty of the new place and the well mannered disciplined life, only to then feel that something is missing. Call it culture shock, call it nostalgia, but it is something that has to be fixed. You have to let go of all that is familiar, to adapt to a way of life that is a world of a difference from what you are comfortable with. I have failed at that, blame it on being alone, or on a perfect life before I came here. But I do not understand how Indians here are happy living this dichotomous life, where you spend your life in a foreign country, cooking Indian food everyday (but longing for all the food that you don't get/can't cook), constantly following everything happening in India (from the internet of course), missing family and friends - only to visit them once a year in a hurried affair, and resorting to low quality web streaming in the name of TV and cinema. Basically, living a desi life in phoren.
Why all this sacrifice - for 'higher standard of living' and some extra money, which does not increase your purchasing power a great deal anyway. For me, having clean roads and good public transportation does not mean a higher standard of living. I should be able to visit people I love when I wish, eat anything I want, feel like I belong to a place, where I can make a difference to at least my loved ones if not others, where I feel the warmth. Small things matter, like being able to afford eating out and not missing special occasions and festivals. And I beg to differ, but I so need a car. And anybody complaining of work culture and hectic schedules has obviously not worked in a semiconductor company.
I could stay back a few years, as per my original plan, but I have pushed myself so deep into negativity that staying here longer would be a real grind. I would wake up every morning thinking 'What if..' and 'I wish…'. There is also a fear that things might change and like most people, that plan to return will never materialize. And surely, I cannot and probably, should not catch a flight everytime a close friend is getting married or something. Over the past two years I have done and seen a lot of things I have always dreamt of. Having done that, I want to regain my sense of wonder, my ambition and realize another set of dreams. I know where I will be happy and the pursuit of happiness is most important. Everything else can take a back seat.
